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The Masters has always been more than a golf tournament. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, a four-day ride that can test even the most seasoned couch spectator’s stamina. Yesterday was nothing short of Titanic meets The Last of Us—and I have the fitness data to prove it.

Who knew you could lose weight lying on and jumping off of the couch? Thanks to nervous energy, anxious pacing, spontaneous jumps, and dramatic collapses onto the cushions, my fitness tracker logged a one-pound weight loss despite indulging in 2 extra crispy slices pizza and my homemade, world-famous nachos. Health gurus, take note: apparently, watching golf is a thing.

Fueled by about thirty ON! nicotine pouches (my trusty “lip pillows”) and sipping two Athletic Brewing non-alcoholic IPAs, I strapped in, fully invested. My heart started with Rory—I was sure this was his year. But as Rory’s nerves unraveled under Augusta’s relentless pressure on the first F’ing hole, my allegiance shifted. Suddenly, Bryson’s bold style seemed infinitely more appealing. Why root for safe when you can root for bold?

Throughout, my eyes bounced between Scottie, Homa, and Åberg, each shot a fresh spike or crash in the rollercoaster. Just as I thought I had reached emotional exhaustion, Patrick Reed emerged, lurking ominously near playoff contention. Talk about suspense. And then he ding-donged 3 putts near the very end. 

But the true heart-warmer was Max Homa, whose grit and focus clinched him a top-12 finish, securing automatic qualification for next year’s Masters. Love. And in terms of new-found respect—let’s tip our caps to old man Justin Rose. Experience isn’t flashy, but damn, it delivers under pressure.

The Masters isn’t just golf; it’s drama, heartache, joy, frustration, and redemption, all compressed into four riveting days. Add to that the poetic commentary from Jim Nance, Trevor Immelman, and Dottie Pepper, and you’ve got a true sports symphony. And after yesterday, I’m already counting down to next year.

P.S. Let’s also acknowledge how the LIV golfers delivered, silencing some critics and adding yet another fascinating layer to the drama. Love or hate the controversy, they undeniably made their mark on Augusta.